so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
