I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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