Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
