I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
This is classic penis vs brain.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
