The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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