I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
My ATM looks so different sober.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
