dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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