I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
