should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
