I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
