two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize