Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Randomize
