You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
