There was a lot of him and a little penis
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
