4 words: hood of his car
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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