Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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