I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
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