I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I think I just sharted jello shots
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