OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
