Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
