just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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