i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
