I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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