you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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