You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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