My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
