I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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