I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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