She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
