What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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