I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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