I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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