rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
