he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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