After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
