i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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