my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
