My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Randomize
