god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
