i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
