You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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