it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
