Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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