I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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