i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
