do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
