The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
