Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
