i will never coherently bang her
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
