dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
