overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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