it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
