Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
It's shark week go big or go home
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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