I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
