Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
