You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
