She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I'm at about main and main street
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
