Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
