I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
