so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I want to be your penis for a week.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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