my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
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Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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