i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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