Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
