i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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