My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
