all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
